Twas the night before vote time, and all through the ward
Not a drug dealer was stirring, not even a Ford.
The putdowns and smearing were strung out with care
In hopes the electorate soon would be there.
The children were tossing all angst in their beds
while visions of Daddy loomed in their heads
And mamma in her muumuu and Rob in Leafs cap
Had scrawled the last promise in a long list of pap
When out from the basement there arose a great clatter
Rob hoisted from his chair to see what was the matter
He shuffled to doorstep and then he did shout
"Hey Doug, vote's tomorrow -- get the fuck out!"
The stairs creaked and buckled as the big man came up
From smoking from bong and drinking from cup
He rubbed his wide face and with eyes all a glisten
He vowed he would fight, to the people he'd listen
Rob outstretched his hand to his very big brother
Then gave him a hug, and one for his mother
More sluggish than buzzards, Rob's posse they came
up from the basement; Doug called them by name:
Now Lisi! Now Loser!
Now Dixon! Now Bloods!
On, MamMo! On, Liti!
Before the street floods!
To the front of the driveway
To the wheel of car
Now dash away, dash away
Dash away all!
Doug was all dressed in sweats, from his top to his feet
His clothes were all wrinkled and stained from canned meat.
A bundle of signs he had flung on his back
and he took a big hammer from out of his pack
His eyes how they drooped, his dimples how creepy!
His cheeks were all bloated, his scars were all weepy!
His voluminous mouth flapped with a huge breeze
and sweat poured from brow, and onto his knees
His sibling young Rob planted hand on Doug's shoulder
Asked, "Make me deputy mayor, if I get older?"
Moved with compassion, and a trifle disgust,
"Rob, badass motherfucker, it's done!" Dougie did cuss.
Then no words were spoken as both got to work
They joined their ill posse, and assorted ill jerks
They planted Ford signs on lawns tidy and neat
Any person protesting is one that got beat.
Once finished they sprang and to team they did yell
And away they all flew like bats out of hell
But I heard them exclaim. 'ere they drove out of sight,
Happy Mayoral Election to all, and to all a good night!