Thursday, July 25, 2013

Social Media and the Push for Please Stand By

Dear Carolyn,
We are pleased to inform you that your manuscript Please Stand By has been accepted for publication. Note that we are not a traditional publisher. While we only publish books that meet our standard, we will not incur any upfront costs. You have to do your part to acquire funds to allow for publishing. We will help you with that through an Indiegogo campaign and crowdsourcing because you have made it clear you will not self-fund (self-publish). We want to work with you and believe your novel will enjoy commercial success.
What we need you to do now is get on social media. We need you to have an online presence. We suggest you start with Twitter and Facebook. Expanding your brand in the community will help engage more readers with your excellent work.
If you need any assistance, please don't hesitate to email.
All best,
Ebook publisher.
Carolyn Bennett
Want to drink some Koolaid and meet the lord? Follow me!
Hi Carolyn,
Thanks for your first tweet! While we appreciate your willingness to join social media, we suggest you find a more congenial approach. Let people get to know you and engage with your awesomeness. Thanks!
Hi community. Will someone help me get some milk out of the fridge? My back gave out.
Sorry to bother you, but I need to advertise.
I pixilate therefore I am.
I miss email.
Germany Invades Poland.
Hi Carolyn,
Thanks for all your hard work getting the tweets out! Maybe Twitter is not for you, considering you have no followers and that you are not following anyone yourself.
Why don't we set up an author's page for you on Facebook. I realize you have held off on joining Facebook since its inception and that the thought of promoting yourself is abhorrent. So consider the Facebook page a website for the book! It is all about your novel (although people do want to know about you, on a personal level). On Facebook you can invite friends to "like" you, and that way they will know about your upcoming Indiegogo campaign for Please Stand By.
Please give it a try, Carolyn. We are here to help. By the way -- You need a new name.
All best,
ebook publisher.
Dear Ebook publisher:
The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. Isaiah 11:6
Oh man -- I'm quoting the bible. I must be scared.
Once, in Jasper National Park, I jumped off a cliff; falling, flailing, screaming into glacier water.

Brace yourself: